Approaching The New Year

As new year comes, I always get philosophic about the year that is going to become a part of history. This year is no exception as I ponder and ponder about everything that has happened for this year. For starters, thie year would be the year that I spend my whole full year in US. Much has changed since Jan 1st till now. There is some things that I wish I could change albeit I never regret my decisions. I just bear the consequences and hopefully I would learn from it.
This is the first time in 2 over years that I could have my whole family here. Of course there are additions to the 'family' that includes my sister's husband Chris and her daughter Zoey. There is also an unofficial addition of Richard, my sister's boyfriend. Haha it's only official when they're married I guess. *hint*hint* ;P
I guess the cliche thing to do now is to do a new years resolution, follow it religiously for the first week of new year and then screw it and forget about it. However, my new years resolution is not to make any new years resolution. Haha that's an oxymoron for you. The thing is that new year's resolutions which generally are meant to be for the better are always not achieved cause either they're too ambitious or too vague. In the end most resolutioners would achieve nothing, get dissappointed, get wasted and then declare their resolution with a three quarter empty bottle of whiskey on the other hand. All I'm trying to say that instead of making glorified and big resolutions, we should be aim small and have specific series of resolutions. For example maybe by march I should apply at least 10 jobs and to have at least 3 interviews, by graduation I have at least 2 job offers that is related to automobile marketing in California and to buy my realistic Honda Fit at the end of the year. A vague resolution would be to have a good paying job and to work towards it. An ambitious one would be to be a VP of an automobile marketing and have my seven cars that i could drive every other day. Resolutions can be done any time of the year. Hell i can even make a resolution right now instead of the new year.
So what am I gonna do on New Years eve? Ideally I just want to spent some time alone on the beach side, sipping champagne and watch the sun set while telling myself what a year 2007 has been. If there is one word that sums up year 2007, it would be Unexpected.

Merry Christmas

Well, my family and I celebrated Christmas over at Cindy's place last night. We had some dessert, champagne, wine etc and as usual I gulped most of the wine and champagne. After that it was the most exciting part of course and that is the opening of the presents. Hehe my dad was so shocked when we bought him that GPS. Sigh, I love that GPS too cause it's one the latest ones. However, while i was playing with it i found out that it has a dead pixel. Not a big deal but i hate it when u see this white dot over there, it pisses me off!
For a while now my family is procastinating upon planning a road trip. We might not go to Arizona after all but instead going along California coast. I wanna go to The OC though. Maybe I would just hang around the driveway and then see some hot blonde chick and then fall in love and get married happily ever after, solving my PR and love problems. Hahaha talking about killing two birds with one stone.
Nothing much to talk about for now. I think we're done visiting around San Diego already. Now I'm just more of chilling out and stuff. Till then....

Happenings in a day in California

Oh, life in California is nice. It's even better when my whole family is around. Anywayz, I went around to La Jolla cove and had some fun. Here are some picturesThis is the cove area. Behind me are hotels and private residentials. Imagine waking up every morning to this view. It's a sight to behold!

Guess what are all these longish thing on the beach? It's actually the seals. Since it is winter in the northern area, many migrate over to San Diego for holidays. Haha even the seals have holidays ya know! All of them are so adorable, fat and cute. Most of them are resting and look dead. I was tempted to throw a pebble to wake them up.Meet Bubbley, my little pet seal. Hehe, among all the other seals, this one is so cute and it's fur is whitish grey. I had a video with the seals all bouncing up and down but i dunno how to put it on my blog.

A candid shot of my dad taking a picture of the sunset. Surprisingly in San Diego the sun sets at around 5 something. Sigh, I wish the sun could hang around longer. After that we headed to an Italian restaurant to have dinner. Over there we were served by this waitress named Laura. The table is covered with papers so she used a crayon and wrote her name there. She looks pretty hot and I was being cheeky at that time so this was what I did....
Unfortunately, she still hasn't call. To be fair I didn't dare to leave it there as it is so I took this picture and then covered the 'call me' part with the bill folder. So there is a chance that she might not see this at all. Or maybe she has a boyfriend so she ignored it. Oh well, I didn't expect much anywayz. I was doing it more for the cheekiness of it hahahaha!

In California

Hello everyone. It's been a hectic week for me with all the finals and stuff going on. Well, after my finals I then shift into my new place for good. Well, let me show you some pictures of my new room.


This is the pictures of my room. I know it's nothing extravagant or elaborate but at least now I can finally rest in peace in my little own room. I have been sleeping like a pig for the last few days. Oh well, the set up is not perfect as i would like to put the screen next to my bed so I could watch tv shows whenever I want to.
After packing up on Friday, in the afternoon i drove to Chicago to mee up with my mom's friend to stay there overnight. Her house is located on North Chicago and her house is really unique. It's a townhouse with 9 rooms although they rented out the top floor while they kept the other two floors for their own use. They then have a little garden and a two-car garage. It's rather cosy and nice as well plus with the snow falling it is a nice sight to behold.
I then flew to California, where I met up with my whole family. I also finally met my niece Zoey whom is really smart. I mean kids nowadays are damn smart man. I bet when I was two years old I was busy banging my head against the wall thus not surprisingly my brain has went hay-wired. Then this afternoon we went to the winery to do experience wine-tasting. I was the designated driver for the day, but ended up being the designated alcohol dumping ground as I was drinking like mad. I didn't know certain wines could be so sweet tasting so I gulped most of the sweet wines and ended up being a bit tipsy hahahahaha!
Oh well, that's it for this whole week. Finally I could see my niece and also it has been a while since the whole family has been together. Haha till then seeya guys!

In Pieces

Telling me to go

But hands beg me to stay

Your lips say that you love

Your eyes say that you hate

Theres truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

What you build you lay to waste

Theres truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

All I've gots what you didn't take

So I, I wont be the one

Be the one to leave this in pieces

And you, you will be alone

Alone with all your secrets and regrets

Dont lie

You promise me the sky

Then toss me like a stone

You wrap me in your arms

And chill me to the bone

Theres truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

All I've gots what you didn't take

So I, I wont be the one

Be the one to leave this in pieces

And you, you will be alone

Alone with all your secrets and regrets

Dont lie

So I, I wont be the one

Be the one to leave this in pieces

And you, you will be alone

Alone with all your secrets and regrets

Dont lie

For the whole semester, this song has been ringing in my head many times. It comes to a point where i can even sing it at the back of my head. Well, this song is a reflection of how I feel for the whole semester. People here who are reading my blog would know what I'm whining about.

At the end of a semester, I'm always reflective of what I have done, how I wish I could do things differently, bla bla bla. And it's always the same cycle over and over again. At the end of the semester, I would bargain with god telling the divine that I would study harder, more consistent and would read through every chapter before going to class and listen to the lecturer properly. This always happen at the eve of exams, which is exactly now. At time god would answer my prayers like my spring semester, where i got results that are much better than I've expected. Somehow rather, my fall results are left much to be desired. But when exams is over, I would forget about god and start celebrating like there's no tomorrow. I'm still contemplating whether I should head over to my friend's place to drink like mad. I am worried that I might say crazy things like the last time where I dissing about Elsie's current boyfriend. Haha my friend was telling me how I was saying his Mazda RX7 is only 400hp bla bla bla and that Elsie is only after his money. I was like what the fuck??!!! I can't even remember saying much of the stuff except about the 400hp. Since then it the '400hp only-mah' has become an inside joke to my very selected few friends.

Speaking about that, I was planning to end this semester in a good note with Elsie as well. Not to say I'm so desperate to be in her good side, it's just that I don't like to leave things hanging, and I still have this feeling that we're still kinda in bad terms and stuff like that. I was planning to send a christmas card saying merry christmas bla bla bla, hope you have a good time and that hope things between us wouldn't be awkward and that she made an impact in my life bla bla bla bla bla. However, while I was talking to my mom she asked me how is Elsie and I. We then continued talking until somehow rather I start recalling the sequence of events that has happened till today. While reminiscing the past, I started getting more pissed off till the point i thought to myself "Fuck this shit, I wonder why I should be the one trying to make amends". Yes call it my childish and immature thoughts, but somehow I just couldn't be bothered at the moment.

Sigh, I think I should start studying again. I can't wait for this exams to be over though. Then I can move out of my old place and officially move into my new place, fix my beloved car and fly off to sunny San Diego, California. I shall elaborate more about my new place in my next post, complete with pictures and stuff. Till then...........

Lazy bum

Sorry for the long absense of my blog. After thanksgiving, i've been really really lazy. Knowing that my parents are now in California having holidays making me even lazier. Not to mention the snow that is falling is making it worse. Not to mention that going to California in 1 week 6 days is making it worse. Haih, so lazy to study-la.
Anywayz, thanksgiving with my sister was great, although it could be better. Stupid car decided to freaking break down on thanksgiving itself. I was like hello???!!!!! not now! In the end we had to rent a car to go down to Chicago.
Being in Chicago brings me back to my senses. Living in the kampung with kampung people makes me insane. They're too friendly, their driving manners is too good that i have trouble trying to drive around and their air is too clean that my lungs are getting lazy cause they don't need to work so much to filter out the air. Oh and there is not big shopping centers where i could shop for the latest Nike shoes or something.
OOooooo i forgot to mention that while i was in chicago, my sister dropped by in this bigelow shop that got me interested in skin care products. Well, I'm already 22 and it's not too young to take care of my skin. As a result, my sister bought me this face wash while i bought a vitamin serum and face moisturizer. All of this are from Zirh (rhymes with sir). Oh well, call me a vain pot for all i care, i read some rave reviews as this product is one of the pioneer men skin care products. But then it's not to say that they're cheap as well. My face wash cost 17bucks for 250ml while my vitamin serum cost around 30bucks for 50ml while my moisturizer costs 28bucks for 100ml. Oh well, beauty doesn't come cheap i guess. Hahahaha!

Christmas Wish List

Ahem, attention to everyone out there, christmas is coming *hint*hint* Anyone feel like being the Santa Claus? Hehe, anywayz, i shall post my top 5 favorite list just in case you all are being generous.

5. Lamborghini Reventon

Lamborghini Reventon is basically a reworked Lamborghini LP640. What makes this car so special is that the design is inspire from the F-22 Raptor Fighter Jet and the results are breathtaking. Only 20 of this are made and it costs around 1.4 million dollars each. Upon first impression, I find the car hideous. Looking at the car from the front reminds me of a duck.

quack quack?

However, the rest of the design is awe inspiring and inside the interior the fighter jet theme continues. The speedometer of the Reventon looks as though it's straight of the Raptor's HUD display. I am very sure that all 20 of those cars has been snapped up by all the rich billionaires. So maybe a Bugatti Veyron would be a nice alternative. Hehe 4. Wallypower 118 Superyatcht.
I have never been interested in a yatcht or boats before until I saw this boat. It was when i watched The Island that i first saw this yatcht and i feel in love with it. This boat has managed to look exclusive, commanding, extravagant and imposing with a minimalistic lines and design. The sleek minimalist lines of the 118 WallyPower are the result of an extensive research and development program that included water tank testing at the SSPA facility in Goteborg, Sweden, and wind tunnel testing at the Ferrarifacility in Maranello, Italy. Furthermore, this superyatcht is in jet black color and is built from carbon fiber. Even the toilet seat cover is made from carbon fiber. If you want this boat, it would be available to you for 20 million dollars.

3. Piaggo P180 Avanti II
In Formula One, Ferrari uses their aerodynamic gizmos to keep their multi million dollar cars on the ground. Flip those aerodynamics around and you'll get Piaggo P180 Avanti II. Piaggo are sponsors of the Scuderia Ferrari team and all the formula one drivers, CEOs and executives of Ferrari are shuffled all over the world with this jet. Interestingly, instead of jet propulsion, the Avanti II uses backwards-mounted turboprops. With a 450 mph top speed, it's the fastest turboprop in the world. It has a 1,800-mile range and 41,000-ft maximum cruising altitude but uses 30% less fuel than a comparable jet. If i have one of this, i would really love to have this in Ferrari Red.


2. Orange County Mansion
The sprawling mansion in Orange County California is one of the three most expensive homes for sale in America. The price? A whopping 75 million dollars!
The mansion, known as Portabello by the Sea, is 22,000 square feet, has 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, incredible ocean views and is entirely state of the art.
The spectacular abode also has a beautiful kitchen with wrap-around granite counter tops.
It even has its own old-fashioned movie theater complete with a lobby and a bowling alley.
Talk about home sweet home!

1. My own family
Bet you guys didn't expect this one coming. Among the multi-million dollar mansions, cars, jets and superyatchts, nothing beat the love of your own family and to be with them. Having been through all the ups and downs in my life, my family has always been there for me. I admit that I used to take my family love for granted, and being such a bitch by rebelling against them. Since coming to US, especially the past few months of my life really made me appreciate my family more than ever, and that they would always be the person that i am able to count on. Although there are times that we have conflicts and arguements, but I know that they are doing it out of love and for my best interest. So, albeit I never get to say this often to my family, I really love you guys and appreciate everything you have done for me. Without them, I would not be where am I today, I would not be the person that I am today. Once again, I love you all very much.

Rants and a severance of a 'friendship'

Let me start this by warning you first, this post is gonna be damn fucking depressing. Why one might ask? Cause i have this 7 page paper that is due in 10 hours time and i really dunno what to write. Guess what subject i'm taking? Medievial studies! Now only i realize that in the middle of medievial studies, there is a DIE word there that is staring right back at me. DIE-LOR! I didn't know that freaking Medievial studies is so darn difficult. I thought it's gonna be easy cause it is a 1000 level class. Didn't know that it's gonna be so darn difficult with all the sohai king fighting left, right, up and down. At this moment i feel like shit now, and then i start wondering why is god punishing me for all this bullshit. And then i start thinking of my life as a whole, why my life is not being as smooth as i thought. I know this is just the down point of my life, but i can't help but feeling sorry for myself for being in this situation. And then i feel that everything is against me bla bla bla and so on.
It's not like my life is that bad, just that i love to rant a lot. To be honest, my life is too good that it's getting boring. While i'm ranting over assignments, I forgot that at least a billion people are starving to death. While i'm feeling sorry of being bored and lonely, i forgot that there are people who are dealing with other worse things like the death of their close family. To be honest, my life is too perfect in a way that it comes to a point that it's boring and meaningless. At this point of my life, i'm feeling lost, i have felt that my sense of direction in life is just in circles. I'm always hoping for an external factor to inspire me or to wake up, knowing very well that the inspiration should come from myself. I'm always hoping for some guardian angel to come down and hand me the things i want in a silver platter. The problem is that even if there is a silver platter handed down to me, i'm not even reaching to take it.
So why am i ranting? I sometimes wonder if i'd given up on life. I find even my parents are more occupied in their life, especially when at their age they should be settling down and relax. Don't get me wrong, i'm not suicidal it's just that i'm drifitng along in life. Metaphorically speaking, i'm just drifting along in the river, waiting for someone to pick me up from the river and shake me up.
Besides this, i'd something that has been keeping inside me for quite sometime. One of my friends JJ messaged me on MSN after missing in action for a million years. JJ is my ex-gf's(LL) best friend and also one of my close friends. JJ said hi and i said hi how are you and all those bullshit. One thing that ticked me off was that she said she is very free now for the whole of november. In my mind i was thinking "WTF??!! so when you're free and not hanging out with your oh-so-happening friends then only you come and look for me-la" To be honest i felt very dissappointed over the whole debacle i had with LL also. I felt JJ wasn't there supporting me enough and that she wasn't there for me when i needed her the most. Yes i know you're busy with all your theatre stuff but just to spend a few minutes to talk to me wouldn't hurt ain't it? You've been hanging out for quite alot of times with LL when she was back in Malaysia and you can't even bother to back me up even a single bit? Who was the one who had your back before you were all famous and stuff in the theatre industry? Let me tell you a story. There was this time when JJ's laptop got stolen from her car. To complicate matters JJ always bring her laptop to college because of II, one of their supposedly good friends whom now JJ and LL had severed ties with. Anywayz, JJ is putting the blame on II because II always ask JJ to bring the laptop to college for II to use, cause II doesn't have a laptop and that the college computers suck. JJ was quite reluctant to bring it to college but chooses to bring it anywayz. Then on one fine day, after college JJ went out to have dinner and then later yam cha. At that time it was night time and since JJ came straight from college the laptop was left in the car. Soon after that the laptop's stolen and that there wasn't any sign of break-in. JJ didn't want her mom to know so she has to come up with the money. At that time she was on a verge of breakdown, she looked so lost and she was so scared of what would her mom's reaction would be shall JJ tell her mom that the laptop was stolen. At that moment, i told her straight away that i would settle the thing no questions ask. Forget the fact that i only know her well only for the past couples of months, forget the fact that i felt it was her fault cause i believe she didn't lock her car, forget the fact i feel it was wrong on blaming II for JJ's own carelessness, I told her straight away that no matter what, i would settle it for you, the money i can loan to you. Honestly speaking at that time, i was willing to forgo the money cause at that time she wasn't working and very much occupied with her studies.
This is how much i had JJ's back. To me loyalty comes first. This is how i treat my close friends, family and my loved ones. I don't fucking care whether or not i feel that you are wrong or what, i'll fucking back you up, and that is exactly what i did when she needed help the most. But when it was her turn to back me up, I feel that she was on LL's side. I guess it's understandable since LL and JJ are closer compare to me. It was my foolish and naive thought that JJ would back me up shall i need her help. Maybe i expect too much from a friendship. Maybe i'm the only stupid one that would help my 'friends'. Maybe i'm just too fucking stupid to see who are the ones that really care for me and those who are just fucking pretend to be friends. Now i see the cold reality of people. I'd always thought that human beings naturally would help a person in need of help, but now i think otherwise. I thought it is instinctual that we would help someone in need, but that's just not always the case.
So when she finally message me on MSN a few days ago, I look at her just as an acquaintance. I guess sometimes it's better to be alone, where i know that i wouldn't be backstabbed, ridiculed, betrayed and worse be dissappointed.

Snow, snow, go away

Sigh, living in Michigan during the end of the year poses great challenge for me. For one, it's getting colder and colder until it's so difficult to wake up for my 9.30am class. Come to think of it, this is so later compared to during our good 'ol high school days where we had to be at school by 7.30am.

Now with snow coming, it's gonna be worse. For starters, if i need to drive, i'll have to spend at least 10 minutes trying to scrape and brush off the snow off my windscreen. You think it's easy to brush it off but let me show you how thick the snow can be.

my car during fall

my car during winter

see how freaking thick the snow is?

In addition to that, driving in the snow is so freaking dangerous. There was this time i was tackling a corner at 25mph when i suddenly spun out and hit the curb. As a result, i have to change one of my rims. And then there was one time when i was coming back from Chicago and there was a freaking snowstorm. Instead of driving at 80mph on the freeway, i was doing 25mph together with all the other cars. I can't even see the lines on the freeway and all of us were in one line. I was freaking out as the car was literally a sled, sliding around and stuff like that. It was like the movie The Day After Tomorrow, where it snow until like there's no tomorrow.

On the fun side, driving during winter bring out the Initial D in you. I love to occasionally nudge the handbrake on slight corners where you feel the backside of the car sliding out and then you tap on the brake to slide all four tires before trying to accelerate out of the bend. Wahaha, i kinda miss doing that though.

Overall, this winter is gonna be so different compared to last year. I was quite excited about the snow but this time i loathe the snow. Oh well, at least i could run away to California during the winter. Hehe, a few more weeks to go!

Death

Ok I should seriously stop this kind of emo shit to dominate my blog but then I was chatting with one of my friends and then she told me she has a blog. I then pestered her to let me see her blog and so there it was, and I being such a busybody go rummage through the blog like a small kid who just got a candy.
As I read further through the blog, I realized that her brother passed away on Dec last year. I didn’t ask her anything about it though as I’m not good at approaching people as I would say something stupid that might offend them. Anywayz, I was quite shocked also as I asked the other day how many siblings she had. She said she got a brother and then I keep blabbing on that the only son very stressful cause we have to carry on the family name and so on. As usual, I’m quite callous of people’s feelings cause when I was talking to her I never look at her face to face, more like side by side while walking.
That made me think what would happen someone significant in my life just pass away?? Words even can’t describe how I am going to get through it. It kinda made me damn emo some more. Sigh, stupid thing-la, nowadays everything also emo emo to the max. I feel I’m becoming more like a whiny bitch only.
Anywayz, I’ve already opened up the comments to anyone instead of just registered users. Thanks Natalie for pointing it out to me. You are my sweet darling. Ekekeke

To blog or not to blog? (random thoughts)

I am seriously contemplating whether or not I should close this blog. Firstly, very few people know about this blog and from the impression I get they either forgot the address or don’t even bother reading at all. I guess this blog should be more for me. However, the lack of events that is happening upon me resulted in me not being able to say much about myself. Oh I just came back from casino, more or less break even as I only won 3 bucks. Ok random thought popping out of my head.
Another thing is that I’m wondering whether or not to put my blog address on my MSN nick. I can’t really remember what I wrote inside and I’m just worried that I might offend somebody in WMU. Everyone here is so damn freaking sensitive that it’s unbelievable. Just because I prefer to keep to myself and don’t really talk to people, they think I’m lansi. Another thing is that among WMU Malaysian people they love to shake hands and stuff. Although I had gotten into the habit of shaking hands with them for the sake of socializing, it’s just not my style shaking hands with guys. I feel very uncomfortable holding hands with guys even though it’s just a handshake. I prefer to do the pat on the shoulder thing but I don’t know whether these sensitive guys think that I’m making a pass on them or something. Furthermore, my friends back in Malaysia are girls and I prefer to embrace them with a hug rather than a handshake.
Enough of negative thoughts that are clouding my head, I rather talk about the positive stuff. It’s already November and temperatures are reaching to the zeros. But then I can’t wait for the 15th to come as I would be picking up my sister from Chicago. Woot, actually I find it quite stressful as well because I’m not very familiar with Chicago. Hopefully my GPS won’t die out on me because I don’t have Elsie to guide me around. Seriously I wonder how could she remember all the roads at the back of her hand?
Oh and you people should watch Pushing Daisies. It’s a romantic tramedy, which is a mixture of tragedy and comedy. I guess it’s an oxymoron as to how a tragic incident be turned into comedy. Well, you guys have to watch it to understand it. I find it really nice cause it has a fairytale setting and also their romance is shown in a rather unique way. Don’t wanna reveal so much, go watch it youself, I think I got a crush on the main actress as well. HAHA!

Hyperconsumerism

For the past 2 days I’ve been studying for my women’s studies. Well, it may say women’s studies but it is not limited to just upon women and their feminists’ perspective but also upon the media. By studying, I have to read two books and the first one is media jamming.
Media Jamming focuses upon how Americans are being controlled and to be put in a so called media trance. Surprisingly, most of the media, communications and advertisement contents are controlled by a handful of people in the US. It talks about how we are being brainwashed to consume more and more and more and more. I’m not exaggerating as I’ve witnessed myself of Americans being addicted to just spending. If you actually see electronic appliances that are left on the roadside the chances are they’re still working, only just that they’re old. We are brainwashed to believe that by buying or consuming products we will be blissful until the next model comes out.
Not only has it affected the way US (actually it’s a global epidemic) consumes stuff, but also the media has been sublimely shaping our thoughts and perspectives socially. A startling fact is that it is impossible for Americans to have a true relationship. What I meant by true relationship would be one that is not influenced by the media’s norms. Not the fairy tale relationship where the guy sweeps you off the feet and then he’s the most understanding and loving guy in the world where he can read your mind at the right place at the right time. You know those idealistic relationships is embedded into our mind so much that when our faces are slapped by reality, you realize it doesn’t work out that way. I had my fair share of fairytale experience at the beginning, but the outcome in real life is something that is left to be desired. We are brainwashed by the media of the expectations which isn’t always in sync with certain people. In other words, what we see in televisions shouldn’t be what one should expect, specifically in a relationship.
It is no wonder US it’s kinda screwed up. In a way, it opened my eyes to how I think in general, including the way I act, what I wear etc. In fact there is never a day in your life that you’re not exposed to advertisements from billboards right up to the urinals. In a way I wish I was never aware of all this things, cause now I always wonder that if my actions and consumer spending is a result of exposure to advertising or my own. How ironic it is also that I’m a marketing major endorsing globalizations and mass consumerism. Damn, this is screwed up!

Don’t Think It’ll Never Happen To You

Not too long ago, I was talking to my sister who actually called me. She was telling me that these past few days there had been this bush fires raging across San Diego. It went through San Bernado and also Scripts Ranch area, where my eldest sister and my second sister are living respectively.
A few hours before talking to my sister, my friends was telling me that in San Diego got fires and stuff. They seemed to be more concern for my sisters than myself. My assumption was that it’ll never reach them and continue on minding my own business.
There I go again, my sheer ignorance has taken over me again. I have to admit that sometimes I can be just plain blur and ignorant, just like this case with my sisters. This is one of the reasons why I have failed in my relationship, not being able to be sensitive enough to know about my partner’s feelings, emotions etc. without her telling me.
Another thing is that I also have this mentality that it’ll never happen to me. It’s quite an arrogant way of thinking and also ignorant at the same time, if you get what I mean. For this case, the bush fires actually did affect both of my sisters. They had to evacuate to their friends place which coincidentally was in the same apartment complex. This give both my sisters time to catch up with things as they live about 15 minutes apart and that my second sister has no time as she has to tend to her family.
Ok I’m getting sidetracked. Basically, this blog has been created to tell you and myself that we should never take things for granted. Yes nothing serious happened to my sisters but imagine the worst happened, I would seriously regret it for the rest of my life since even my friends warn me about it. Oh well, I guess I would call my second sister tomorrow to find out how she is. I heard she hasn’t move back to her place since her area has a lot of ashes floating in the air. Sigh, sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever learn to be more aware of things……..

To My Lovely Darling Natalie Kan

Since Natalie was complaining that I never write up something about her, I decided to write one about it out of true love for her (bluek). So here I am typing away.
I think I noticed her back in form 2, when I was a stupid geek while I labeled her as one of the smart ass group classes. Back in high school I never really get to know her at all. It wasn’t until form 4 that we started getting closer. Remember all the stupid sneakouts that we did? I so remember walking to her house since we didn’t have any driving license. I remember her climbing over the fence and stuff like that and then after that we walked to Ai Ping’s place to get her. And then we would settle at Dharoos and chat and chat and bitch like there’s no tomorrow. Wahahaha
Also remember the time when we were driving along the north-south highway attempting to go 200km/h? Ai Ping and Melanie were in the car at that time as well. Then there was this car on the fast lane driving so slowly and we start flashing the shit out of the car. Little did we know that the slow Perdana was actually a police car! Hahaha later on we then faster run away from the police still driving at around 200km/h.
It was not long then that I have to leave to the US. We were dating other different people but then somehow rather, we got together. Albeit being in different parts of US, we understand the hardship and all the bullshit we have to go through while being here. Soon our friendship flourish to love, and we embark on a long-distance relationship.
Although being apart, you’re always close my heart. There is not a single moment that I stop thinking of you. Seeing you on webcam makes me wanna hug you so tight and not let you go. I’m so sorry that I would not be able to see you on your birthday. Being such an understanding person, I know you’ll be able to forgive me. It was unfortunate that our wedding was called off, I guess it was for the best for both of us. We both are still too young and stuff like that.
Ok Natalie Kan Ming Chan, are you satisfied that I wrote such a romantic and touching story for you? Honestly I don’t even write shit like this to my ex-girlfriends. Wahaha I find it so gelifying.

Runner's High

Firstly, I would like to clarify that the intention of this blog is to only express myself. This is no ulterior motives upon doing up this blog. Like many other things, if you don’t like what is written here then you can just leave. Also, what is written inside here stays inside here. It’s my thoughts, respect it. Shall you want to say out your opinion about what I say, there is a comment section at the bottom right of each blog. Saying that, I don’t want situations where people come out and confront me about what I say in the blog. I have encountered situations where people actually did print out stuff and confronted my parents. I mean wtf? If you really have a problem then come to me, not my parents. Geeezzz
Upon clarifying myself, I shall continue about my interesting happenings in life (not). For those who known me for quite some time you all should remember the time when I was all fit, muscular and being a walking calorie calculator which pisses off almost all of my gal-friends and my then girlfriend (surprisingly). Upon embarking an ‘exciting’ journey to the US of A, from June 2006 till now I’ve gain about 50 pounds. Yes I know it’s freaking shocking. Now that I’m single, I’m now continuing what I was doing when I was single. You guessed it, I’m back to the all-protein-eater-and-a-calorie-counter-freak-while-working-out-for-hours-in-the-gym. Just a few days ago, I was all over that stupid elliptical machine. It’s like a machine where you use your legs to pedal and you can adjust the inclines and resistance. Somehow rather, the majority of the users are the gals, which is quite a sight indeed. Seeing them not only pleases my eyes, but it gives me motivation to slim down even more. I wish I could take pictures, but then they would think that I’m some perverted asian freak who is stalking them. Oh well, I intend to only exercise for half an hour on that particular machine. However, my trusty old ipod suddenly played my all time favorite Progressive Trance thus putting me in a state of trance. In the end I spent an hour on that damn machine before running in the indoor track for an uncountable number of times.
It’s been a while since I’ve had that ‘high’ feeling. If you run long distance and just continue pushing yourself, at first you’ll feel like you’re going to give up. But if you continue running on, when you get past that stage then you’ll feel that numb sensation while you brain gets ‘high’. I’m serious, if you really feel like giving up, push on and then you’ll get the so called runner/jogger’s high. It’s a nice feeling that only lasts as long as a minute before you really feel like giving up. Just a warning though, if you feel a sharp pain in your heart, then you should stop immediately. Being in the US, I shall not relieve myself of any reliability shall anyone who attempts the runners high and succumb into undesirable circumstances. I will however claim responsibility if it turns out to be something good for you. Wahaha!
Ok I babble too much. I shall stop for now. Seeyaz.

To Set Things Straight

Well here I am attempting to do another blog. Other blogs are still hanging around but it’s either screwed up or I’m just too lazy to update it. Anywayz, this would be my new blog and that I would try to update it as much as possible.
It’s been just a little over 3 months that I’d broken up with my then gf Elsie. What have I been doing over those 3 months? It’s like an emotional rollercoaster ride. Firstly I’ve done things that I would normally never do like playing paintball which gave me love bites haha! The thing is that when it hits my body especially on the chest area, it would swell up and leave a bruise mark that is similar to a love bite. After trying a couple of times, I flew off to California where I had a very nice trip. The California trip is a meaningful trip for me, something for me to look at my life differently.
When Elsie came back from Malaysia on 31st Aug, I thought things would be different. I would had thought we had a chance and stuff like that. However, things don’t always turn out to be what you want so in the end I realize it was so totally over. I went on a drinking binge which left me totally blanked out about 3 times. There was this time I couldn’t remember a couple of hours but then remembered my friend suddenly holding me up saying “listen to me, she’s not worth it, she’s fucking not worth it”. I remember crying like a freaking baby only. Looking back, it’s kinda hilarious and so drama to say the least.
Now, I think I’m so totally over her. To begin with, she has been dating her ex-bf ever since we broke up. But now there’s another guy that’s in the picture and so I’m also not sure about the ex-bf. Probably she’ll make some story up to make him feel guilty as an excuse to break up just like me. However, last Friday I went over to my friends place to drink again, and one of Elsie’s friends came over and then I scold them kau and then they start telling me about how Elsie’s concerned for me and stuff. He then continued talking about love bla bla bla till suddenly tears start running down my cheek. I dunno whether it’s because of Elsie or what, but somehow that confused me. Even I don’t dream about getting back together with Elsie anymore. So why did I tear up still remains a mystery for me.
Being out of the relationship allows me to bring myself back to reality. I realized there’s no such thing as true love. Sometimes material possession rule over love, sometimes emotions and immatureness rule over. To be honest, I have serious difficulties putting my trust emotionally towards women. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate women and not gonna turn gay, it’s just that women especially at ages 18-25 still are no mature, no matter how much they think they are more mature than men bla bla bla. In this relationship, I feel so betrayed sometimes because whatever honest feelings, thoughts and thinking I have towards her is being reciprocated in the wrong way. The worst thing ever that I’m really pissed off now is that the way she’s acting now. So much for thinking of herself as being mature, she’s overblowing the story of what happened between us. Furthermore, she’s taking advantage of the fact that I’m not being favorable among the Malaysians in this WMU and trying to bring me down. To tell you honestly, not only I’m being heartbroken, I feel so fucking betrayed and depressed at the same time. Thoughts of suicide lingered around my mind for a short period. Imagine everywhere you walked you felt as though there is an invisible spear come jabbing at your body from everyones’ eyes. What’s even more fucked up is that the source of this bullshit is coming from someone that I truly love, that I’m willing to sacrifice anything, including my own fucking life.
I have no choice. I believe when a relationship breaks up, both sides should be mature enough to call it truce and to move on and cherish the happy times we had together. But what’s happening now is countless backstabbings and bitchings about me and then when I confront you about it, you pretend you said nothing. Fine, shall you want to pretend then go ahead while I choose to stay quiet, hopefully that the truth will be told eventually. However till now, people still thinks I’m the ‘devil’ in the relationship so to speak while she continues talking about how she was a victim of sexual harassment etc etc. At one point I believed what she says too, but upon thinking over and over again, you actually did consent to it and that the feelings were mutual. I am at loss at those sharp accusations that is being thrown about to everyone. I feel so frustrated that no one ever bothers to think of my side of the story, for the ‘devil’ has feelings to. This is why I can’t take it anymore and decided to vomit out everything that I have to say.
Go ahead, tell to your new bf that you’re being victimized. Tell him how bad you were being treated when actually it was your demanding expectations that pull them away. It was your unrealistic expectations of your partner being like your father. I understand your loss of your father, but that doesn’t mean that you need a bf to substitute your loss of your father. And I feel you think that a father-daughter relationship is the same as a men-women relationship. Well let me set this straight, you don’t treat your boyfriend as your dad ok. Firstly it’s like having incest. Secondly you expect your dad to do everything for you, don’t expect your boyfriend to do the same. A relationship is mutual, and in this modern era there’s no such thing as the women being the weaker sex. Don’t give me this bullshit that you want to have a career and at the same time wants to get married and have kids but does not want to take care of the kids because of your career. Fine, I’ve said before that maybe I can take care of the kids as I believe that there should be someone taking care of the kids fulltime at least until they reach elementary school. Then you come and give me this bullshit that men should be the one earning the money and that she as women would contribute maximum half to the family. To make things more unreasonable, you have that what is yours is mine, what is mine is mine mentality. My dear, you can have everything ok? I thought the death of your father would make you open your eyes. However, it seems as though it hasn’t open wide enough for you to realize it.