Rants and a severance of a 'friendship'

Let me start this by warning you first, this post is gonna be damn fucking depressing. Why one might ask? Cause i have this 7 page paper that is due in 10 hours time and i really dunno what to write. Guess what subject i'm taking? Medievial studies! Now only i realize that in the middle of medievial studies, there is a DIE word there that is staring right back at me. DIE-LOR! I didn't know that freaking Medievial studies is so darn difficult. I thought it's gonna be easy cause it is a 1000 level class. Didn't know that it's gonna be so darn difficult with all the sohai king fighting left, right, up and down. At this moment i feel like shit now, and then i start wondering why is god punishing me for all this bullshit. And then i start thinking of my life as a whole, why my life is not being as smooth as i thought. I know this is just the down point of my life, but i can't help but feeling sorry for myself for being in this situation. And then i feel that everything is against me bla bla bla and so on.
It's not like my life is that bad, just that i love to rant a lot. To be honest, my life is too good that it's getting boring. While i'm ranting over assignments, I forgot that at least a billion people are starving to death. While i'm feeling sorry of being bored and lonely, i forgot that there are people who are dealing with other worse things like the death of their close family. To be honest, my life is too perfect in a way that it comes to a point that it's boring and meaningless. At this point of my life, i'm feeling lost, i have felt that my sense of direction in life is just in circles. I'm always hoping for an external factor to inspire me or to wake up, knowing very well that the inspiration should come from myself. I'm always hoping for some guardian angel to come down and hand me the things i want in a silver platter. The problem is that even if there is a silver platter handed down to me, i'm not even reaching to take it.
So why am i ranting? I sometimes wonder if i'd given up on life. I find even my parents are more occupied in their life, especially when at their age they should be settling down and relax. Don't get me wrong, i'm not suicidal it's just that i'm drifitng along in life. Metaphorically speaking, i'm just drifting along in the river, waiting for someone to pick me up from the river and shake me up.
Besides this, i'd something that has been keeping inside me for quite sometime. One of my friends JJ messaged me on MSN after missing in action for a million years. JJ is my ex-gf's(LL) best friend and also one of my close friends. JJ said hi and i said hi how are you and all those bullshit. One thing that ticked me off was that she said she is very free now for the whole of november. In my mind i was thinking "WTF??!! so when you're free and not hanging out with your oh-so-happening friends then only you come and look for me-la" To be honest i felt very dissappointed over the whole debacle i had with LL also. I felt JJ wasn't there supporting me enough and that she wasn't there for me when i needed her the most. Yes i know you're busy with all your theatre stuff but just to spend a few minutes to talk to me wouldn't hurt ain't it? You've been hanging out for quite alot of times with LL when she was back in Malaysia and you can't even bother to back me up even a single bit? Who was the one who had your back before you were all famous and stuff in the theatre industry? Let me tell you a story. There was this time when JJ's laptop got stolen from her car. To complicate matters JJ always bring her laptop to college because of II, one of their supposedly good friends whom now JJ and LL had severed ties with. Anywayz, JJ is putting the blame on II because II always ask JJ to bring the laptop to college for II to use, cause II doesn't have a laptop and that the college computers suck. JJ was quite reluctant to bring it to college but chooses to bring it anywayz. Then on one fine day, after college JJ went out to have dinner and then later yam cha. At that time it was night time and since JJ came straight from college the laptop was left in the car. Soon after that the laptop's stolen and that there wasn't any sign of break-in. JJ didn't want her mom to know so she has to come up with the money. At that time she was on a verge of breakdown, she looked so lost and she was so scared of what would her mom's reaction would be shall JJ tell her mom that the laptop was stolen. At that moment, i told her straight away that i would settle the thing no questions ask. Forget the fact that i only know her well only for the past couples of months, forget the fact that i felt it was her fault cause i believe she didn't lock her car, forget the fact i feel it was wrong on blaming II for JJ's own carelessness, I told her straight away that no matter what, i would settle it for you, the money i can loan to you. Honestly speaking at that time, i was willing to forgo the money cause at that time she wasn't working and very much occupied with her studies.
This is how much i had JJ's back. To me loyalty comes first. This is how i treat my close friends, family and my loved ones. I don't fucking care whether or not i feel that you are wrong or what, i'll fucking back you up, and that is exactly what i did when she needed help the most. But when it was her turn to back me up, I feel that she was on LL's side. I guess it's understandable since LL and JJ are closer compare to me. It was my foolish and naive thought that JJ would back me up shall i need her help. Maybe i expect too much from a friendship. Maybe i'm the only stupid one that would help my 'friends'. Maybe i'm just too fucking stupid to see who are the ones that really care for me and those who are just fucking pretend to be friends. Now i see the cold reality of people. I'd always thought that human beings naturally would help a person in need of help, but now i think otherwise. I thought it is instinctual that we would help someone in need, but that's just not always the case.
So when she finally message me on MSN a few days ago, I look at her just as an acquaintance. I guess sometimes it's better to be alone, where i know that i wouldn't be backstabbed, ridiculed, betrayed and worse be dissappointed.