In Pieces

Telling me to go

But hands beg me to stay

Your lips say that you love

Your eyes say that you hate

Theres truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

What you build you lay to waste

Theres truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

All I've gots what you didn't take

So I, I wont be the one

Be the one to leave this in pieces

And you, you will be alone

Alone with all your secrets and regrets

Dont lie

You promise me the sky

Then toss me like a stone

You wrap me in your arms

And chill me to the bone

Theres truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

All I've gots what you didn't take

So I, I wont be the one

Be the one to leave this in pieces

And you, you will be alone

Alone with all your secrets and regrets

Dont lie

So I, I wont be the one

Be the one to leave this in pieces

And you, you will be alone

Alone with all your secrets and regrets

Dont lie

For the whole semester, this song has been ringing in my head many times. It comes to a point where i can even sing it at the back of my head. Well, this song is a reflection of how I feel for the whole semester. People here who are reading my blog would know what I'm whining about.

At the end of a semester, I'm always reflective of what I have done, how I wish I could do things differently, bla bla bla. And it's always the same cycle over and over again. At the end of the semester, I would bargain with god telling the divine that I would study harder, more consistent and would read through every chapter before going to class and listen to the lecturer properly. This always happen at the eve of exams, which is exactly now. At time god would answer my prayers like my spring semester, where i got results that are much better than I've expected. Somehow rather, my fall results are left much to be desired. But when exams is over, I would forget about god and start celebrating like there's no tomorrow. I'm still contemplating whether I should head over to my friend's place to drink like mad. I am worried that I might say crazy things like the last time where I dissing about Elsie's current boyfriend. Haha my friend was telling me how I was saying his Mazda RX7 is only 400hp bla bla bla and that Elsie is only after his money. I was like what the fuck??!!! I can't even remember saying much of the stuff except about the 400hp. Since then it the '400hp only-mah' has become an inside joke to my very selected few friends.

Speaking about that, I was planning to end this semester in a good note with Elsie as well. Not to say I'm so desperate to be in her good side, it's just that I don't like to leave things hanging, and I still have this feeling that we're still kinda in bad terms and stuff like that. I was planning to send a christmas card saying merry christmas bla bla bla, hope you have a good time and that hope things between us wouldn't be awkward and that she made an impact in my life bla bla bla bla bla. However, while I was talking to my mom she asked me how is Elsie and I. We then continued talking until somehow rather I start recalling the sequence of events that has happened till today. While reminiscing the past, I started getting more pissed off till the point i thought to myself "Fuck this shit, I wonder why I should be the one trying to make amends". Yes call it my childish and immature thoughts, but somehow I just couldn't be bothered at the moment.

Sigh, I think I should start studying again. I can't wait for this exams to be over though. Then I can move out of my old place and officially move into my new place, fix my beloved car and fly off to sunny San Diego, California. I shall elaborate more about my new place in my next post, complete with pictures and stuff. Till then...........