A Final Goodbye

Last thursday, Derek (who is myself describing in third party, just in case people who are too blur) & Danielle had a final presentation for their marketing class. Danielle was Derek's partner and has been so since the beginning of semester. So on thursday itself, D&D was preparing for the epic final presentation printing out all the neccessary crap that is needed for the presentation. Not knowing to D&D was that Holy & Kirsten was having a final presentation as well.

While Derek was busy grabbing hold of his stuff and packing up, Danielle went over to Holy & Kirsten and started talking to them. After Derek clumsily grab hold of all the stuff, he went over to the 3 of them, where they started talking about other people who has went through the presentation. Derek being the shy one, started stoning and wishing how soon he would had finally be done with his final presentation. Actually, he kinda had a crush on Kirsten, and he was like thinking oh well this is the last time he would be seeing her as there are no more classes. Them all being dressed professionally was just a bonus as well.

Then out of the blue, Kirsten then suddenly turned to Derek, who was still daydreaming with his mouth wide open, started talking to him. This were her words "Oh Derek by the way, your haircut looks great! I saw that when you were walking in to class yesterday" (on Wednesday). At first Derek was stunned, like a deer gettig caught with the brightest set of headlights ever! He then sheepily said "Oh thanks alot!" and he could felt his face burning red with embarrasment.

Derek then thought to himself "OMG, is this some kind of sign or something? This whole semester Kirsten never even spoke a word to me and I was fine until she has to say those words" Sigh, Derek may never know what she actually meant, as he might never ever meet her again.

The Time Has Come

I'm very sure that every Asian friend that I have would have gone through the countless brainwashing that we go through courtesy of our parents. The propaganda would be that you must study hard and that without that degree you would be equivalent to a useless delinquent with no hopes and future. So for me I would then assume that if I had that degree you would have the whole world in your hands, able to buy that Ferrari that I'd long for.

Then you guys would assume that in exactly 2 weeks time when I graduate I would be the happiest soul on earth. My parents would be coming down to witness it. I think it is more to confirm that I really did graduate, much to their surprise and then after checking out that I really did graduate, I think no one would be happier than my parents when I finally throw that fucking hat up in the air as a symbol that I'd graduated (after going through education, I believe throwing that hat up in the air is a symbol of how much money has been thrown away in the name of 'education').

Ok, from this point I really sound like a fucking ungrateful brat pouting and ranting, but let me finish and get to my point. You see, I should be so happy that I had finally graduate and get my Ferrari. But to my dismay, I'd realized you're not even a quarter way there. I have been given a perception that with a degree I would be able to do wonders and stuff, which many of you would realize that it is not necessarily so. It is no big secret that studying in the United States of America (know short as the US) has been a big challenge for me, physically, mentally everything. Dealing with the assignments and stuff is nothing, but the politics and the bullshit that I had to endure over this last two years has shaped my thoughts, perceptions and outlook towards life. Unfortunately, overall it has shaped me negatively, as the once thin happy-go-lucky cheerful outgoing me has become to be a grossly overweight 200 pounder pessimistic lethargic anti social brat. I'd realized that I rather stare at the computer screen the whole day rather than to go out with my friends. Well, hell I don't even consider them as friends and maybe they're not so bad and it's all in my mind but after going through alot of two faced backstabbers, I'm not taking my chances.

To sum things up, a degree is nothing but a piece of paper saying that you have a certain profeciency in a particular job like marketing, engineering etc etc. I feel the most important skill one should develop would be the ability to communicate and get along with people. It doesn't matter if you're utterly dumb or stupid, as long as you have people by your side, just ask George Bush. You don't see billionaires like Bill Gates having a degree. Hell he even dropped out of Stanford College, and look what he has become.

Somebody once told me that I should savor this moment and be proud of myself of what I have achieved. Well, you can feel proud if you feel you are, and I'm not feeling any of it. I don't even feel like going for the graduation ceremony cause I don't feel proud of it. Maybe my parents are, but I certainly am not because I don't think there is nothing to be proud of. Lately I have been having depression over this graduating thingy. I don't even know why it has become of this but seriously I think I am really fucked up at this point. I can see myself going insane when I'm trying very hard not to. I even joked about having this quarter life crisis. Sigh.....

Three Days Grace

There's a new album from Three Days Grace called One X. For those who are not familiar with this band, they are the one who sang 'I Hate Everything About You'. Gone Forever is one of my favorite songs as I used to go through that shit last time. However, the most favorite song would be 'Animal I Have Become'. Telling you the names of the song sounds corny, but when you listen to the whole album I think most of you can relate to the lyrics of the songs. Anywayz, this is Gone Forever.........

Gone Forever lyrics

Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years
IStill can't believe you're gone
So I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me with the story of our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that
I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

Now things are coming clear
And I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
So I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fuck and fight
Until the morning comes
I'llForget about our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that
I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm gone forever

And now it's coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever

Have you ask?

Many times I have ask myself whether you are what you think you are or you are what the society perceives you are. Aren't we all struggling to just fit in with the society?

Have you ask youself what is right and wrong? Have you ask that something you thought is right maybe isn't that right or something so wrong isn't as wrong given certain circumstances?

Have you ask yourself whether this whole life thing is all a rat race. Get the As, get the degree, get the job, get the wife/husband, get the kids, then die.....

Have you ask that in this ever more increasing liberal world, with all the gender equality etc etc instead of feeling a sense of freedom we're ever more suffocated and being packaged to fit the society?

Have you ask what the fuck is life about?

Ditching that car...at least partially

Many of you would know that I'm a serious car nut enthusiast. But now with the rising fuel costs getting ridiculously expensive I'm seriously wondering whether it is cheaper to just sell off my freaking car. As much as I love my car, that junk get's me only 15mpg running around the city even with me driving like a 200 year old granny. Furthermore, I've been using the bus quite often now to go to classes except for early classes as I always wake up late.

Come to think of it, I got the car because of some people nagging to get a car and so on. Now that she's not in the picture anymore and that I'm single, the car is basically more of a liability than a convenience. I still have to pay that odd 500dollars of insurance for no apparent reason plus gas which many people are saying going to hit $4.00 per gallon. For my friends who are living in EU countries, i know it's freaking cheap but coming from Malaysia, our petrol only runs around 2.29USD/gallon after conversion.

So I guess my freedom to go around is limited by how far I can walk or the bus can go. Not to worry though, I was thinking of getting a scooter! Yes, I can so imagine myself being a dork with a Honda Metropolitan scooter. It's minuscle 49cc engine goes to the top speed of 40mph. Me hovering over 200pounds would mean it might only go around 30mph. On the upside however, I am getting around 100mpg and it is classified as a moped thus no need to pay those fucking insurance bastards money for nothing. I might very well just do that after my parents go back to Malaysia after my graduation.

Oh well, that's all I can rant about for now. Have a freaking test tomorrow. Seeya all.