Lately if you all have noticed I've been in touch with my creative side. Suddenly I have this urge of drawing and expressing myself in poems. And for your info, it's not about rapping =.= . One of my lovely friends thought that I was some African-American wannabe rapping out these words yo! =.=' Seriously, I don't do rapping. Can't imagine a fat ching chong bastard trying to rap.

Anywayz, I'll be heading of for Chicago on Wednesday, then I would head off to New York on Thursday afternoon. Honestly speaking I'm quite nervous cause I'll be taking public transport. I get really nervous when I take public transport especially when I'm new to the place and that I would be lugging a big luggage bag around. Furthermore, I'm not really sure of what to do when I get to New York. Perhaps I would just visit those main attractions and stuff.

Another thing is that I'm considering if I should tell everyone about this blog. The problem is by doing that I would have to tone down my severe hating towards people, be more politically correct etc etc. The good thing about telling people about my blog is.......erm.......well actually the only plus side I can see is that if I want to indirectly crticize that person and then I subsitute that person's name as X or Y. Wahaha!

Hmm maybe I should just make another blog. Maybe i should put it as dhlee2.blogspot.com wahahaha

Unexplained emotions

I think I need to escape
I need to go on an escapade
All these bullshit is driving me wild
To a point I’m getting blind

Why like this one may ask
To stay sane is such a daunting task
Pressure is from all directions
And the source of this there’s no explanation

I just wanna run & run & run
The idea sounds like fun
Well dream and reality there’s a lot of difference
As in reality there’s consequence

So this is what I have in mind
Looking for something I can’t find
Maybe if I close my eyes
Things would be as bliss as the blue skies

Untitled Feelings

As graduation looms near
I find myself in fear
The fear of uncertainty
Which might result in a calamity

Oh what is this feeling
My stomach is reeling
My fear is rising
And there’s no way of hiding

The thought of time
That is worth more than a dime
Is that is running out
And I’m freaking out

The definition of life
Is currently in a strife
Trying to get my act together
Is a daunting task like no other

Perhaps there’s hope
Maybe I pray to the pope
Maybe my prayers are answered
Or He couldn’t be bothered

Bla bla bla
Life is an enigma
Hopefully I can understand it
But for now, fuck it

Crossroads

In case you're wondering, I'm not talking about the movie which starred Britney Lunatic Spears. I'm describing about the situation I'm in now. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is a drawing describing how I feel right now.

I am aware that the picture is too small for some people to read it. The heading says "You have reached the crossroads of your life, what are you gonna do?" And if you look at the four paths it is money, self-fulfillment, love and acceptance.

Bad drawing aside, there are many other paths that can be treaded upon. However, I feel that these four are the most significant paths in my life. Knowing that I would be graduating soon, I would have to make a choice of what kind of path should I choose. I'm gonna elaborate more about the four things.

money - It is a no-brainer that this is the path many people love to take, including myself. Many equate the level of success depends on the amount of zeros that you have in your bank.

love - This is one of the most wonderful experiences that you can have. It is not limited to just the relationship but love among your family and friends.

acceptance - As human beings are social animals, people want acceptance from as many people as they want. Many confuse the money and acceptance; that if they have a lot of money they would be accepted by the society. In many ways it's true but they're accepting of your money, not you.

self-fulfillment - Have you achieved what you yourself want in life? Have you achieved what you want to do in this world?

For me, this four paths when chosen there's no way of turning back. Sure when you have tons of money you could buy your way back to the crossroads and choose acceptance, love or self-fulfillment. However, when you're too into something, like chasing after money, when you want to turn back time is lost and often it is too late. And if you choose the other three paths, you would need money to survive at some point.

This brings myself to a dilemma, what path should i choose? I guess the answer is to take the moderate path. It is possible to divide your commitment to four other different things, albeit it can be difficult. For me I'm always wondering if I could do that or not. The easy way out is to just strive on the money part but I know further down the road I would regret my decision.

There is exactly 63 days left for my graduation. It ought to be that the nearer you come to the crossroads, the clearer it is of what path you want. For this case, the nearer the crossroads, the blurrer and more undecided of what path I want to tread upon. Time is running out..........

To Live is To Suffer

Although you can say that I'm a Buddhist, seriously I don't know much about the religion. Even when my mom goes to the temple and asks me to pray, I pray in plain english, not the religion codes that each respective religion has. I remembered everytime I pray, I also prayed that Buddha has a translator so that he can understand what the heck I'm praying about. Sometimes I felt he doesn't have one cause I felt my prayers are always never answered.


Now in my religion class, we're talking about Buddha. One thing that strike my mind is that to live is to suffer. It is understood that once we reach the end of our lives ie. DIE! our sufferings are then gone before going to hell and screening whether you should be back in earth or something. The reason of our suffering in this world is because of our desire and love for something impermanent like you love your dogs which might one day be met with a car accident or your parents whom like anybody else's parents would pass away and leave us behind.

I find this view rather pessimistic. Sure you will suffer in this world no doubt but you do not suffer all the time. Newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In this world, I always believe in the end our lives would balance out, no matter how much money you have, where you live etc etc. Coming back to suffering, if you think life is all about suffering and it sucks, it's not entirely true. Sure suffering sucks, everyone from time to time suffer from various kinds of shortcomings, but if you never suffer from your life how would you know the feeling of joy and happiness?

In order to feel the meaning of joy and happiness, once has to feel sorrow and despair. All this are part of life. There is some need of contrast in your life. One can't feel a feeling of sorrow or happiness if their life is just constant and routine, so once in a while suffering is good.

Shootings again

Just about 10 hours ago, there was a shooting incident in Northern Illinois University, killing five people, including the gunman who actually shot himself to death. Well, my usual self were to say that that fucking gunman deserved to shoot himself and then burn in all for all eternity. Somehow rather, this incident intrigued me into how does one person would be able to do such violent and inhuman acts. I can only conclude that these people either really think this is some Counter-Strike game or something, or that they really have nothing better else to do, or that it is a sign of lost hope and extreme desperation.

As usual, the whole circus act comes around, so typical of an American culture. One of them talks about fencing up all the universities and to install metal detectors upon entering the university campus. I can only imagine if I were late to school and I have to rush to class. Before entering the university I have to get down of my car, strip search me and my car before being able to enter. I guess we have a new excuse of why we're late. I'm sorry Mr/Mrs Professor, I was late cause the police thought my ipod was a detonator. The Americans are such that they are looking for the cure rather than preventing it. They focus so much on how to make the universities safer, when the root of the problem are the students itself. What makes a student hate the place so much that he wants to shoot everyone he could find? Have you people, who is supposedly the best country in the world realize that the problem lies within the psychological welfare of the students? Or American citizens in general?

Of all the shootings that I've found, shooters seems to have a similiar profile, and that they tend to be the loners who are often being ridiculed, harrassed or teased at school. Usually these people would develop psychological problems due to repeated stress of the bullshit that they receive. Soon they develop hate towards the people and to the school because they felt the school has not done enough to rectify the situation. As one explodes, shootings result. After that, their families then are being ridiculed and then politicians start taking advantage by playing with people's emotions to gain more votes. Then it is swept under the rug and pretend that nothing has happened. Seriously, what significant changes has been done since the Virginia Tech shootings? Hell nothing changed at all even back in 1999 when the Columbine High School Massacre happened. All they talk about is having more security, when I couldn't stress enough again that it is about your students, your people whom should be concerned about. If you take care of your people properly, there won't be any incidents like this. No happy people who are pleased with their university/school would shoot free-willy for the heck of it. Same goes that if people are happy about your great oh-so-ever-perfect USA, they wouldn't had take two planes and stick it into twin towers.

When the Virginia Tech shooting happened, it didn't really hit me because it was quite far away. Now that it has happened in Illinois, it is about a few hours away from my place. Watching it on the news with my friend, and he was literally freaking out. The thing was that I was trying to make it look like it's no big deal, when it is actually a big deal. However when I see my friend freaking out, I just have to put on the tough mask and try to calm him down. The newscaster who has tears on her eyes are not helping either, and the living room is filled with intense fear. One could not help but feel that YOU ARE THE NEXT VICTIM.

You know, it's wierd. All the metal detectors, sniffing dogs, an army of police officers etc etc are being used to prevent a shooting, when all you ever need to do is to simply reach out to someone in need. It doesn't cost anything except of few seconds of your time to ask what is wrong. That having said, it is only appropriate to say this to all my friends. You are all not alone and I'm there for you. You maybe physically apart but I would try my best to be there for you. I'm fucking serious and mean it that if you need someone to talk to or something, please don't even hesitate for a second to reach out to me. I'll drop everything and hear you out. You can say it's corny for all I care but I would not forgive myself if one day something bad happened to one of my friends and has to resort to desperate measures such as going on a shooting rampage.

There is more than 6 billion people on earth. Many talk about how crowded the world has become and how globalization has make the world a smaller place. However, it is wierd that people are more isolated than ever and the feeling of emptiness is ever more prevalent in one's soul.

Valentine's Day

Being in the US, like most every other major occasion Valentine's Day is nothing more than a money making fiasco where the people who are really celebrating it are the florist who reaps in obscene amounts of profits from the sale of roses. Ever since coming to the US, the people kinda dull the whole thing; they dilute the meaning of the celebration so to speak.

I remember two years ago when I first got together with Elsie, the day before V. Day I spent the whole day in Mid Valley scouring around gaining ideas upon what to give to her. Even back in Malaysia, all the buzz about V. Day was huge as well, albeit not as bad as US, where every single fucking advertisements is about have you buy this diamond ring for her? have you buy this rose? have you buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy buy................ Ok back to what I was trying to say, I got her this heartshape Leonidas chocolate that costs around Rm200 (about 60USD). And then I got her the customary rose for about RM15 (4.50USD). Suffice to say, she was quite happy and since we were together for barely a month, the honeymoon period was very much alive, so I thought at that time.

Fast forward to today, and I have a few of my single friends moaning about the cruel and lonely fate that has bestowed upon them, which is why we're single. It's as though it is the end of the world if they had no date for V. Day and it is like a social stigma not to have a date on V. Day. To be honest, I thank the almighty god for being single this time as I don't have to splash obscene amounts of money to please my significant other. In US the V. Day is brought into a whole different level, where like I said above you must buy this if not V. Day isn't complete and if you so happen to date a typical materialistic ignorant American, your date is sure to kick you out cold to freeze your balls off. V. Day has become a comparison ground for women to see which one has the most extravagant, most romantic, most lavish V. Day. It's as though the women all over the world would conglomerate and then hand out the oscar awards. Those who didn't make the cut would be sure to receive endless lashings from their gf for the rest of the year.

Oh I'm sure some of you must be thinking I'm sour grapes, but trust me I am not, seriously. I mean it was cool that I was shopping for gifts for my significant other being all chirpy and bouncing along buying gifts, but I've been there done that. My emphasis now is based on just doing the little little things in life, which unfortunately for most girls do not comprehend that. When I broke up with Elsie, she actually told me that when I gave her the gifts I didn't give her appropriately and so on. She told me that I left the presents at the backseat when I know she would put her books behind the car. She said that if I want to make it as a surprise she isn't impressed at all. Well to begin with I didn't plan it as a surprise. Secondly with all the effort that I've done, all she could remember when she broke up with me was how I didn't place the gifts at a place where she couldn't have seen. You should have seen my face at that moment. I think I had the most perfect WTF look on my face.

On a more bizarre note, I'm going to meet up with Elsie on V. Day to settle the phone bill and pass her the keys. I didn't realize it till one of my friends pointed out. They subsequently teased me that she might ask you back on V. Day, which is so corny. I then told them that my gold reserved has been digged dry and that her current 400hp bf has a bigger gold reserve to dig. No point moving back to me anyways.

Ok then, I have to go to sleep soon. I guess I shall call some of my gal friends to see if they had gotten the date that they've wanted or not. Till then happy V. Day to all my friends. Remember that this day is to cherish one another for who they are, not what they buy. Love ya all -xoxo-

Happy Chinese New Year

Well, I think I just wanna make a proper post to wish everyone Happy Chinese New Year. As I have missed 2 chinese new years in a row now because of being in US, I've really lost touch of my Chinese side. Damn I also didn't call and wish my parents-leh.

In case you're wondering what I did for CNY, I was busy going to a career fair sucking balls in hope of getting a job in US. Right now my whole focus is upon my marketing class and trying to find a job.

In a pursuit of a career and what not, I always neglected the simple pleasures in life. For me it is a simple as walking at night with snow falling from the sky. I'd always looked at snow as really irritating especially when I'm always rushing to school and stuff. But seriously, when I was just outside walking around my apartment with the snow falling, I told myself that I would pretty much miss this moment when I choose to go to California or even back to Malaysia.

Oh well, I guess I have to keep reminding myself to aprreciate the simple things in life a little bit more. Till then, I have to get back to my work. Happy Chinese New Year again to everyone.

It's been a while

I'm sorry for the lack of postings recently. I have been busy doing my work assignments, presentations etc. I know I'm only taking like 3 subjects instead of 5 subjects but this marketing class is literally driving me up the wall. Not only I have assignments but also countless frightening presentations that I have to do. The other day I had to do spotlighting, where the lecturer suddenly calls your name up and have to do a 2 minute presentation about the topic that we're learning.

So other than work stuff, things are quite alright. I helped my friend to get a new car today, and I'm so freaking jealous. It's a white Mazda Protege (or 323) and it is the top spec model. I suspect that this car has sport suspension as the ride was quite bumpy not to mention the 4 ventilated disc brakes. Sigh, I wish I have my Honda Fit now.

The other time we went to the gun shop. We were amazed by the amount of guns and ammo in that shop. We were joking that if we were to rob this gun store we can terrorize the whole Kalamazoo just to make things more interesting. On a more serious note, we were able to touch and cajole around with the hand guns and some variety of sub-rifles. The coolest was the Steyr-Aug, which I always use in the Counter Strike game. Hahaha they had a lot of guns in the gun shop that was also in the Counter Strike game. We plan to go there again and ask if there are any target practices around this area. It would be cool to just shoot around for the fun of it.

Ok, that pretty much sums up what I've been doing so far. I'm taking this opportunity to also wish everyone Happy Chinese New Year. To be honest I totally forgot about it until one of my friends wished me. Sigh, this new year I won't be getting any ang paos (money packets) I suppose.

South Haven

South Haven is a lake beach of Lake Michigan. It is about 45 minutes drive from my place and in the winter you must be crazy going to the lake side. Well, we are a bunch of crazy people so we actually drove to South Haven at 1 in the morning and then walk towards the lighthouse, which is practically all frozen up. Words do no justice and here are the pictures.As the lighthouse is obivously next to the lake, it has the lake effect, where severe fluctuations of temperature happen when the land meets water. As a result, this structure has been literally glazed with ice. This is no thin ice as it is rock solid and attempts to break it result in my own hand being numb and sore.
This is me at the beneath the structure. Actually there is two post beside me that arches above me and it's all covered in ice. It's as though I'm in some ice cave or something.

This picture would let you understand better my description of the paragraph above.The view of the shoreline from the lighthouse.

Yes I know we are crazy enough to go there. It was really windy and we were drinking beer to keep ourselves warm. On the way back, my friend spun off the road when attempting to negotiate a bend. Looks like the negotiations went out of hand. Hehe till then.